Saturday, Apr. 30, 2011 - 630 p.m.
A Birthday Toast for My Brother
Donald F. Mancuso
Produced & Directed by: Robert J. Mancuso
Happy Birthday Don!
Who ever reads this please note: remember to read slowly and clearly. Some of Donald’s friends may have trouble hearing and understanding now, and that would explain their confused look. It’s like “Bird’s of a Feather, sitting around here together – all worried about their aging peckers.” It’s just like Donald to have good friends like that!
Sorry I can not be there to celebrate with you today. Circumstances being what they are I‘ll just hang out here in earthquake land and re-celebrate my 31st birthday with a little rocking and rolling.
Since I can’t be there I thought I would write a little congratulations note that Sister Diane made me do. That’s why she’s probably going to be the one to read this, unless she can guilt some one else into doing it.
So here goes:
When I first met Donald he was very small. I wanted a puppy but Mom and Dad said Donald would be more fun. They were right! Twice I tried to throw him down the stairs, but he still stayed in the house. You can’t do that with a puppy.
As the years went by, Donald grew into a fine brother. There were many times when I made horrible mistakes and feared being severely punished. It was always comforting and assuring to know I would have Donald standing there beside me to blame.
Boyhood years turned into teenage rivalries, and Donald was very popular and supportive. With Don always bringing young, pretty girls around the house to introduce to Mom, it gave me time to practice my nascent* film hobby – night vision photography.
*Nascent – for some of you, that word means: budding, blossoming, and growing – all the things Don’s hair has stopped doing.
By the way, those photos did help me pay for a rather large portion of my College and Graduate School education. I still may be a man with a few negatives, but those negatives have been sealed by the courts and I am not at liberty to discuss them.
By the time Don graduated college he learned how to turn his doodles and cartoon drawings into something useful – like architectural store front window designs and buildings that reached mightily skyward toward the second floor. Among Don’s more noteworthy accomplishments was the redesign of the New York Stock Exchange trading windows and the windows that graced the top of the World Trade Center Bar & Vertigo Restaurant. As you can see Don was into widows – either building them or peeping through them. I mean all windows – except Microsoft Windows which he still can’t figure out!
As the years went by, Don learned how to handle Catholic School guilt. Ignorance, ignoring it and just shrugging his shoulders went a long way. However, not being satisfied with that, Don added the often heard phrase “very good” to his closing remarks. This went a long way in disguising his total confusion and utter oblivious side chatter as most of you have observed.
After one of Don’s divorces, he commented to me that his wife took the house and furniture and even the door bell! After which I proudly told him that it was a privileged to be a brother to the only no-bell finalist in the family.
It makes me realize how fortunate I am when I see that poor Don, has to pay for two houses and two wives, and he can’t get into any of them.
However, it makes me very happy that he met Diane your hostess for this fabulous party. At least now when Don and Diane get together, and in their most intimate moments, Don can finally put his stuttering to good use.
Getting back to Don’s sixtieth birthday for a moment: at Don’s age it’s probably a good idea to celebrate a little early, you never know just how much memory loss can occur over next 57 days. Still the memory of the surprise will probably linger at least until the drinks wear off tomorrow morning. Then again, every day is a surprise for Donald nowadays.
Some have asked what Don’s middle initial stands for. While a closely guarded secret until now, I can tell you that after four years of bone-crushing, head-smashing days playing high school football, it caused Donald to become increasingly fond of his GPA score.
And at sixty, his age and his I.Q. are more closely aligned than ever before.
Well, Don it’s time to get back to my dream project. Instead of wishing for a little puppy this time, I’d like to pray to Mom and Dad to help me find a little pussy [cat] instead.
So here’s wishing you a fabulous 60th Birthday Don. It’s good being Sixty & Sexy. You ought to try that sometime.
With all due respect and a smattering of love on your Birthday (and when it comes again in June), this is your Brother, Robert saying:
“Okay folks, I’m outta here, and don’t forget to tip your waitresses.”
